That’s Not a Veggie Burger


The other day I wrote about the weird things that I grew up around and we had some pretty good responses back as well. Milk and cornbread, fried spam, and pineapple chunks in cottage cheese before it was ‘cool’.

It goes to prove that you don’t have to go far to find a local version of Fear Factor brewing.

But, even though I was making them THAT NIGHT, I didn’t mention one of the real big oddities from my childhood. And really, it’s not an oddity because it’s weird and no one would try it, it’s an oddity because it’s IMPOSSIBLE to explain it.

I grew up with the wonder, that is the veggie burger.

The thing is, my family loved meat. My nana could southern fry some chicken and even filet and de-bone fish. She was a hard core grandma. So when I learned about ‘veggie burgers’, they had meat. In fact, they were FULL of meat.

Here’s the basic recipe. Get some vegetables, whatever you have around but most common are onion and carrots, maybe some green or red peppers. Side note, I also love chopping up spinach for some added flavor.

Anyway, chop everything up very small, then add a bunch of hamburger meat and get your hands dirty. You’re basically starting a meatloaf minus the breadcrumbs and ketchup. Create patties and grill.

These make some of the most delicious burgers you will ever have and they were the only kind of veggie burgers I knew about for a long time. So when I grew up and tried to tell people that I wanted to make some veggie burgers they’d look at me funny and go, “I’m no vegetarian.” I would then have to explain what I meant which would lead to the inevitable phrase, ‘that’s not a veggie burger.’

You see, it’s this wonderful food with a horribly unfortunate name. The vegetarians have ruined one of my favorite foods by making a veggie burger without meat. I support that, but couldn’t they call it something else? Like a tomburger, nonburger, or blandburger.

Just kidding vegetarians. I love vegetarian dishes but my version of the veggie burger takes the cake.. and that’s not a gluten free cake either, it takes a really fatty, glutenous, nutty, strawberry topped cake.

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