Milk and Human Satisfaction


I don’t think anything shows how short the human race attention span is or how easily we get dissatisfied better than milk.

I mean, we had milk and it was good, but some of us weren’t quite satisfied.

“Hey Joe, look what I got out of my cow last night. I call it milk. It’s GREAT isn’t it?”

“Ehhh, it’s ok. But can we whip this up? I’d like a cream substance.”

I mean really, milk was awesome. Finally our cheerios wouldn’t stay hard all the way through breakfast but rather turn into delicious little life preservers swimming in a sea of lactose but we would rather have had them buried in a mountain of semi-solid milk substance. In fact, forget the cheerios and grab me a bagel.

And then, cream wasn’t enough, someone else had to come along and go, “I like your cream, but is there any way we can freeze it and make it sweeter? I’m not saying anything, but last night I added ice and sugar to your cream and it was out of this world. I mean, milk is OK, but I see people getting tired of it, even becoming intolerant maybe. But my iced cream will become an addiction let me tell you.”

Even milk itself wasn’t satisfying enough. Some people said they liked the milk, but thought it was too fatty. Could they get some anorexic cows and make some skim milk? And what about milk powder. I like your idea of milk, but I’m traveling across country and don’t have any way to keep it cold, could you just turn it into a powder that I could later add water to and make some disgustingly thin milk like substance out of at a later time. I need something for my cheerios to swim in otherwise they are useless after all.

Then we wanted to spread the milk on bread and we got tired of cream so we churned it some more and got butter. Then someone said, I like butter, I like milk, can I get both of these together?

Cheese is probably the oddest of all milk creations. I’m not sure who thought of letting milk sit out for a month and then eating it. I often imagine some inept worker going ashamedly to his farmer boss in the morning, “Hey boss, you know that milk you were having me tend to last night? Well, funny story. I accidentally left it sitting in a barrel over heat for awhile until it started to curdle. And then when I noticed this I was so surprised that I dropped the bacteria from an animals stomach lining into the milk. Don’t ask why I had the bacteria from an animals stomach in my hand at the time, also don’t go looking for Bessie the cow, she, ummm, got away. Long story short, this moldy substance is what came out, would you like to try eating it?”

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