If anyone wants a soft copy of my book you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know if you’d prefer a word document (.doc) or adobe reader document (.pdf). I will send them out as soon as they are ready.
If you know of any church small groups who think this would make a good story to read and discuss please let me know as I’d love to offer it to them as well as get feedback from them on what questions they get from it and so on.
Where I Am Today
Losing my mother was very hard on me. Losing my mother on my wedding day was virtually devastating. Yet for the first time in my life I didn’t curse God for giving me something too overwhelming. I mean, it was overwhelming and I broke down as I tend to do possibly too much and I lashed out at those around me like Kora who was used to it and Nelson who never lashed back.
Maybe the start of my marriage being so bad gave me an excuse to test him. Maybe I wanted to push his buttons to prove that he was going to do everything that Danny had done and all men really are the same. He never did and never has though. Honestly I feel sorry for the man because I treated him like crap when I met him and wasn’t that great to him after we got married but he stuck by me.
My mother had left Kora her car and now that she just recently turned 16 Nelson is teaching her how to drive. We all agreed that I was way too high strung for that job. Mom also left me the house which was probably the worst thing she could have done. Not because selling it didn’t help us because it is as we are going to send Kora to the Christian college of her choice at which she wants to become a worship and ministry leader. No it was hard because I had to go through everything in that house before we could sell it. In the end I had an army of people helping me. Kora and Vivian would help me go through boxes of memories and they knew what to keep and what not to. Nelson would arrange to give the furniture to various organizations and anyone who said they needed furniture. And then a group of his firemen buddies came down and in half a day loaded one truck and delivered all the furniture to its various locations and another truck with the items we were taking with us. The only piece of furniture I kept was my dad’s ugly brown recliner that I’d always hated. It’s hard to peel me out of it now.
Kora is also dating now which was WAY earlier than I ever wanted it to be. But she has promised to save herself for marriage ‘just like you, mom’ she told me as if that made a boy getting near her perfectly ok. The young man’s name is Corey, yep, Corey and Kora, I hate it too. He seems nice enough and she’s known him a long time as he’s also in the youth worship team playing guitar. Nelson had always joked to her to never trust guitarists or drummers, ‘bassists, those are the musicians you can trust,’ so she was bound to date a guitarist.
I don’t feel TOO scared about it though as besides being a part of our church he also got a shock when he came to pick her up on their first date. Nelson answered the door with his fireman’s axe slung over his shoulder as though that’s how firemen spend their off days. As him and Corey sat on the couch he played with the axe while asking questions like, what are you going to be doing tonight and what are your plans for my daughter. Yeah, I don’t think he’s going to try anything.
And on the kid front I am pregnant again, 3 more months to my second baby girl that we will name Mary Francis after Nelson’s and my mother’s respectively. Kora is very excited to have a little sister and wants to tell her all about her grandmother. Even Amy May is getting a little baby brother although it looks like Mary Francis will come first.
Kora also showed the various church leaders some of my blog posts and now I occasionally help write little plays or stories for them to act out. I told them at first I didn’t know what to write about but they said my experiences WERE the stories they wanted. So I turned various obstacles into little short scripts where the main character has to overcome them and either struggles to or just turns to God and puts it in His hands.
And that’s the biggest thing I’ve been learning to do; put my problems in God’s hands. I know at the beginning I told you I lacked faith in God but He has helped me find my way back. Him and all the stubborn people He put in my life that is. Sure, I still struggle with questions like am I doing enough? Am I a good enough follower? How can I be a better follower? And no I still don’t know the Bible like other people do and I can’t answer all of your questions about religion.
I can tell you that I have found hope in the Lord and that has been the greatest gift of all.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to tell you I have all the answers. That’s everyone’s dream right? That they have it all figured out. To be the person who always knows what’s going on, never lets life catch them off guard and never gets flustered or stressed by big problems. But honestly I’m just scratching the surface of how to behave on this stupid rock.
I’d like to tell you the exact steps to making yourself better but the best I could say is avoid the steps I took. In all reality the best advice I’ve learned from life is you can never truly predict the future, you’re never truly happy just because you get everything you want, and if you think it couldn’t get worse then it most definitely will.
If you take anything from my story, just take this. Go and be nice to someone that isn’t expecting it. Put just a few minutes more happiness in your life and remove a few minutes of negativity every day because at the end all we have are memories, friends and family and I’d like to smile when I think of all of them.