Better Radiation


I get it, people love frozen foods cooked quickly in a microwave. SO DO I even though I still have no microwave. And now, I AM PROTESTING MICROWAVES!

Everything in our lives has has evolved and gotten better. Our TV’s are bigger and flatter than ever, our cellphones are computers and our computers are shaped like books.

And while microwaves have evolved and look sleeker and have fancy settings they still have one major flaw.

They can’t correctly cook a plate of pizza rolls.

A serving of pizza rolls is about 6 and the bag and commercials say 60 seconds to deliciousness.

Sure, if you want 6 pieces of delicious dough filled with lava.

Well, maybe we need to put more on the plate because, who can eat just 6 lava rolls? I need like 20. Ok, 20 pizza rolls and 60 seconds later I check a couple… Ok, this one feels fine. That one feels good I think we have this figured out.

But wait, it turns out 8 of them are still frozen, 10 of them are lava hot, and I just happened to check the 2 that were cooked perfectly.

Frozen burrito? More like Frozen meat with a piping hot burrito shell.

Cold pizza? How about boiling some sauce, evaporating some cheese, and having rock hard dough.

The microwave has been around longer than computers and cell phones yet we can’t improve on it?

Oh yes, we HAVE improved on it. We’ve done scientific TESTING to show the proper way to cook things, hence the buttons. But even using the buttons you have to heed warnings. If your microwave is over 1000 watts and you live in the mountains of Montana and it’s after noon and the temperature outside is above 80 degrees and there are squirrels in the tree outside then please reduce your times by half. OF course if your microwave is even 50 watts under a 1000 you will need to cook a plate of 20 pizza rolls for about 8 minutes to have partially thawed ice rolls. Apparently that last 50 watts turns your normal microwave into a death ray.

So please, geeks and nerds alike, come together and build us a better microwave.

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