The Geek Dyes


I hate this statement.

As a 6’4, weight unknown, over-sized, big-headed, large footed man I have always hated this statement. Instead of “One size fits all” it should be called “Prepare to be depressed”.

This one size rule has hindered a lot of experiences in my life. There are many shirts I was never able to wear, hats that stretched, wristbands that cut off circulation, and gloves that became palm warmers.

Since I have never dyed my hair before, I didn’t think much of this problem as I bought a kit. I mean, I knew that all I needed was in the box.

As a geek, I of course read through the instructions a few time (Though apparently missing the allergy test portion, and loved that on the back side of the instructions were a couple of clear hands, covering the Spanish translation like Casper drawing turkeys.

After eating dinner and assuring myself I knew what I was doing I proudly went into the bathroom and started to dawn my ghostly gloves.

Started was the easy part, insert hand, glove detaches from paper.

Finishing was harder. Trying to stuff a German Sheppard into a tube sock would have been an easier task. Depressed again.

And if it weren’t depressing enough a few drops of color fell on my counter. WAIT! I remember this part of the instructions. “Quickly wipe the color with a cloth, slightly wet.” But what is this? It’s not coming off? It’s dry already? This is faster than paint. In slow motion I watched as it dried into the shape it would be on the way through the air. Oh well, may as well finish painting the counter with my #31 Revlon I picked up at Home Depot.


4 thoughts on “The Geek Dyes

  1. Pingback: ThanksTweeting: Thanks Average People | Good Geek Ranting

  2. cinebrary

    amen! One size fits all is like a slap in my big face. I have never ever been able to find a hat I like that fits, even beanies are difficult. If it really is one size fits all – shouldn’t i be really big? Then it really will fit all size heads, even small ones.
    I was even laughed at by a really large motorbike instructor when I said I’d like a bigger sized helmet because apparently the one I had was as big as they had. Seriously? 22 year old female has a head bigger than a 50 year old scary biker?

    sorry about dying mishap.


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