The Geek Considers a Life of Crime


In 2011 the FBI reports 1081 bank robberies occurred that fall under Title 18 which simply means they got more than 1000 dollars. If your math is good this amounts to almost 3 robberies a day if you averaged it out.

Some more interesting information on these statistics

– Total value of stolen cash and property = $7,510,397.78 or almost 7,000 per robbery

– 6% of the robberies were committed by Females

– 30% of the robberies were committed between 9 and 11 AM

– Only 4% of the institutions robbed had security guards

 

See the full set of statistics here.

So what brings all of this up?

As a geek whom is currently unemployed and, for all intents and purposes, homeless, of course the ‘fantasy’ of the easy way out crosses ones mind when stories of such things come up on the news. (I’d like to NOTE! I am NOT a robber nor do I intend on doing so. I live a frustratingly straight life. I barely even CUSS!) Recently a story appeared in the news of just such a robbery that caught my eye and made me laugh, then made me think.

What set this robbery apart from most? The robber showed up with a face covered by a ‘striped pillowcase’ and socks on his hands.

Let me say this again, the robber wore a striped pillowcase and socks on his hands.

Now again, I don’t condone robbery… But if I had ever heard of someone in need before, this person is it. Lets break this down a little bit, shall we?

– Striped Pillowcase for headgear.
— Now its bad enough this guy couldn’t afford a ski mask… Its pretty sad he couldn’t afford some pantyhose. But he couldn’t even get a PLAIN WHITE PILLOW CASE! Was he not able to catch a ride to the salvation army or Goodwill and get a decent pillow case? And he probably needed to burn it after the robbery (You know, get rid of the evidence) so now he is sleeping on a pillowcaseless pillow. That poor poor man.

– Socks for gloves
— This one gets me even more. Did he make them into sock puppets? Did he talk to them during the robbery? Did the sock puppet ask for the money? How good of a ventriloquist is he? Did Jeff Dunham rob this bank? How did he hold the gun? Who was afraid of him shooting a gun with socks on his hands? And if he did the classic “Pointy finger” to simulate a gun in his pocket, wouldn’t it have looked funny? More like a Tri-Corder than a gun, right? And were they the socks he was wearing all day? Did he walk in with no socks on his feet but stinky dirty socks on his hands? (NOTE: If you watch the news clip, he did NOT show a weapon and even BETTER, he carried in an Orange Ulta bag to carry the money in… Talk about stylin’)

And finally… HOW DID HE MAKE IT TO THE COUNTER? HOW DID HE MAKE IT IN THE BANK? Wasn’t this guy just SLIGHTLY obvious getting out of his car? If I were working in the bank I would have pushed the panic button when I saw him get off of his moped (Note: I don’t know what the person was driving if anything, but I assume it was crappy, needed an oil change, and was low on gas. There is also probably a ‘Trick’ to getting it to start that only he knows) I just can’t imagine how this person made it ALL THE WAY to the counter without everyone falling over laughing and snapping pictures with their phones.

I’ve seen Oceans 11. I’ve watched GoodFellas and I know who Kaiser Soze is. In no movie along these lines does someone say, “Hey, grab that pillowcase and put these socks on your hands.” In fact, there was once a movie called ’20 Bucks’. This movie followed the life of a 20 dollar bill as it went from person to person and in it Christopher Lloyd played a bank robber trying to teach a small time crook (Steve Buscemi) how to be a better person thief. His basic philosophy? Wear a suit and be nice to the person you’re robbing. Suits fade into the crowd… you don’t stand out in anyones memory.

This person obviously never saw 20 Bucks.

If at first you don't succeed, try another door.

So that leaves us with this… some people don’t have the common sense to see what they are doing. To the right you will see a picture I snapped recently that shows this point very well. Other people, however, don’t have the means to do anything better. As many have said, sometime the stupid need to wear signs so we can tell the difference.

 

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2 thoughts on “The Geek Considers a Life of Crime

  1. cestlavie22

    I will start by saying I have no idea why this is posted in DIY but its funny so I am glad I came across it. I think we have often all had the fantasies of being a robber and making money quick but I gotta say my fantasies dont generally involve striped pillow cases and socks for gloves. Was this guy robbing a childrens toy bank? Did he check to make sure he didnt get monopoly money?

    Reply

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